Oprah

I have never watched Oprah.

I must be in a small percentage of Americans, considering it has been on for 25 years.

Since I have more time than usual on my hands these days, I was watching one of her "master classes", where she recounts lessons she has learned along the way.

One afternoon, after she moved to Chicago for the local morning show, she popped into a bookstore and came across The Color Purple. The first line had her reeling- someone else had the exact same story.

She learned that Steven Spielberg was making the movie, and decided to audition. Her first read through, the main characters name was Harpo. Oprah spelled backwards.

Oprah said she felt Jesus himself was telling her that role was meant for her.

Weeks went by, and she did not hear from the casting director. Finally, she called to check the status of the part.

The casting director said, 'you don't call me. Who are you? You are a nobody. Big stars are auditioning for this role.'

She got off the phone, and knew she did not get the part. Questioning God, she thought about why God would do that. Bring her to audition for this part she wanted more than anything, and then not give it to her.

Maybe it was because she was fat, she reasoned. She headed off to a fat farm to lose weight.

As she was circling the track, the song "I Surrender All" came into her head. As she started singing it, she felt herself letting go of the part. Truly letting go. Knowing it would all work out, and she would be okay.

In the exact moment of surrender, Steven Spielberg called her to tell her she got the part.

The life lesson is that when you have done everything you can do- prayed, begged, pleaded, bargained... You have to give it up. Surrender to the power greater than yourself and know it will be okay.

The three times I have had labor scares, I have remembered this lesson over and over.

I have done all I can.

I am doing all I can do.

Now I am working on being in a space of complete surrender.

I can't say that it is easy. I want my daughter. I want this situation to be different and not so hard. I want better odds. I wanted an easy pregnancy.

But at the end of the day, all I can do is surrender. Give Tessa up to the higher power and know that, one way or another, God will see me through.