Monday, January 31, 2011
The blood draw today shows them at 2694, so we are trucking right along!
Next Tuesday I will go in for my first ultrasound. Michelle said it best- the reassurance is nice...I cannot imagine going a full week without some sort of reassurance LOL.
Today I am pregnant. Today I rejoice (another Michelle quote:-)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
676 was the beta number from today, which is strong. Hopefully not TWO strong.
I go back on Monday for another blood draw, but I got to schedule my first ultrasound today for February 8. Praying for ONE solid bean in there.
Monday, January 24, 2011
They had not received the results yet. With their office in Ann Arbor, and this lab here in GR, somewhere the lines got crossed.
The nurse was so kind to called the lab and report my first beta- 145. A good strong number for a singleton pregnancy.
We are thrilled!
I go back on Thursday for the second number, but I am happy that I made it through the "first round" with good HCG levels!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday is my first blood draw, so I will get a better picture of what is going on once I get beta/hCG numbers.
Oh, and I am officially addicted to the stick. I just cannot stop thanking God for this precious gift.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I am not sure if I am ready for it or not.
I have a blood draw on Monday to see what my HCG levels are, so that should give a clear indication as well.
For now, I remain sore in the butt:-) I normally ice up the area before the PIO shot goes in, but Josh accidentally shot me outside the iced area yesterday. Yikes! That hurts.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I keep searching for symptoms, wondering if I can figure it out.
Am I more tired than normal?
What was that twinge in my belly?
Are my boobs more sore than they were before?
It is such a crap shoot.
But, I don't feel pregnant.
Here is hoping I am wrong.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I made it to transfer. For that, I am thankful.
We left the house at 7:45 am, and knew there was a slight possibility that we could get a call on the way there that our embies had not made it.
Around 9:15, my phone rang. I think both of our hearts stopped. Thankfully, it was just Josh's sister calling to tell us she was praying for us.
We arrived at 10:15, with a full bladder. Instructions were for 3 glasses of water, and I was feeling it.
The office was so busy, as this was the first procedure week since before Christmas. We waited over an hour to even get back into a room. I was gritting my teeth because I had to go to the bathroom so bad.
They had me drink more water to take Valium and Motrin, did some preliminary paperwork, drew blood, the nurses made a few jokes about how tall Josh is and had to get the "special big man gown and mask".
I am so thankful Dr. Shamma came right away to tell me that I was next.
They led me into the procedure room and checked to make sure my bladder was full enough through ultrasound.
"Yes, you have a great bladder" the nurse said. I will get Dr. Shamma.
The embryologist then came in to verify our embryos matched the ones being inserted into the catheter. I got to see our beautiful little embies for the first time:
The picture on the right is when they actually insert them into the uterus.
The top one is a hatching blast, which is further developed than the bottom one. I think that is called a expanding blast.
All in all, it was very quick. The very worst part of all of it was trying NOT to go to the bathroom. I was shaking because they were pressing on my bladder from all sides.
Then I had to lay for five minutes on the table before using the restroom.
A half hour of downtime is required before being sent home. I was just overjoyed the entire time that I actually made it to transfer. I sent the picture of the embies to my mom, who just started bawling.
Not that this means we will get a positive pregnancy, but I am happy to have the chance.
I got home to a bunch of goodies from Michelle and Nat, who were together praying through the course of this day. I, of course, burst into tears again at how gracious God is for giving me such great friends.I feel at peace right now. I love the hope I have; it feels good. God is good.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I was brought to tears today by Cara giving us a gift certificate for dinner on Friday. Just the thought that people are praying for us and love us and feel invested in this....it is overwhelming.
I still do not have a time for Friday yet. I am hoping it will be around 11 or so, just so I can get K off to school.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
He is a little bit uneasy about needles and blood, so it makes for a really fun mix.
For my first shot today, we iced down the area. He swabbed it with alcohol. He could not break the skin, and the progesterone came pouring out all over my butt. I re-drew the PIO, and he gave it another go.
He tried to insert the needle, and the needle broke. We are still not sure where it is.
I think he is already scared for tomorrow:-)
This blog is all about this process, and this last week has literally toppled me. Terrified me.
For one week, I have had OCD.
And I hope to never have it again for the rest of my life.
One of the biggest contributors to OCD is a lack of seratonin, which is caused by the estrogen I am on. Each and every day when I take that blue pill (three times a day), I feel more and more crazy.
My particular facet of OCD is called scrupulosity.
All my life, I have known Jesus forgives all my sins...and then this week I started having crazy thoughts about Jesus dying for all my sins....except one. The thing about OCD is that you know you are crazy and irrational, but are powerless to stop it. I spent eight hours one night looking up what people thought about the unpardonable sin, and pouring over every last detail of my life, trying to figure out if I accidentally did it at some point.
Yesterday night, I came across a book about what OCD is and how it progresses.
I was looking at the "research" because it made me feel better (obsession) and lesson the anxiety I was feeling. I would feel good for a while. I would feel the anxiety come back, and just HAD to look up more opinions on it (compulsion), and then the cycle repeated itself which in turn took a stronger grip on my mind. The more cycles I submitted to, the worse it got.
Poor Josh. I have not even been functional for the last four days. I almost forgot my mom's birthday, I sent Kayden to school without shoes, I forgot to pay a few bills....it is truly awful. That is kind of why I have been silent on this blog and elsewhere. I have been so overwhelmed, begging Josh to bring me to Pine Rest :-)
God is good, and He loves me.
And now everyone thinks I am crazy.
I am not sure I could ever go through this again.
This lack of seratonin is no joke.
In IVF news, I am in the home stretch. Josh gave me my first Progesterone shot this morning. I am on Amoxicillon three times a day this week, along with the dreaded estrogen.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
For the three of you that read this, please be in prayer for me that I will graciously accept the Lord's will for this.
I am praying (PRAYING!!) that I will not have twins. I sincerely would like one child, but then again that is not up to me:-)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
God knows exactly what is going to happen this next Friday.
He knows what is going to happen with my health in the future.
He counts the very hairs on my head.
Having anxiety about any of this is not from God.
In the book Streams of the Desert, the one lesson I go back to over and over again relates to how I cannot force God's hand in this (or anything). I cannot force a blessing out of God. I have to surrender each and every last part of this, and see what God's plan for my life is.
Now if I could only remember how many E2 pills I have taken. I am supposed to take three a day, and I can never remember if I took two or three:-)