Nicu

A representative from the NICU came to meet with us today.

It was a blessing and a curse, all rolled into one.

I am one of those people that like to know what is coming. It eases the anxiety. Working through the various 'what if' scenarios were hard, though.

My nurse said everyone on this floor is a ticking time bomb.

When my time is up (hopefully a while from now), the NICU will be called in once she is ready to brave the world.

The plan is to stabilize her in the room, and he said after that we will be allowed to see her for a brief time. Give her kisses, and send her for further monitoring.

Once I am in recovery, they will take me to see her before coming back to my room. Hopefully at that time, they will have some idea of lung function.

Worst case scenario- that they cannot stabilize her, then they would bring her recovery so I can hopefully see her alive.

All this is very hard to take in and visualize. I have been a bit weepy today.

Overall, the care here is wonderful. Nurses are so compassionate, the doctors are awesome, the food is great ( especially the chocolate cake!)

I get to hear Tessa's heart beating away after breakfast and dinner- the highlight of my day. I can't say she likes it as much as I do-she kicks the Doppler the entire time.

I hope she fights this much once she is out.

I miss my boys terribly, and mostly I miss simply being up and around. I realize this is temporary, and between daddy and grandpa and grandma, they are in great hands. Still kills me when they say 'we miss you, mom'.

Thanks, as always, for joining us on this journey.