the Dance

I was a junior in high school.

I purposely omit the year. Let's just agree it was a long time ago.

Homecoming dance was fast approaching, so a group of us decided to attend together. Two couples and then Jenny*, who I set up with a mutual guy friend, Chad, for the evening festivities.

We would take pictures, eat dinner at a nice restaurant, head to the dance, then watch movies together into the late evening.

Anticipation was most of the fun. We spent weeks dress shopping, planning hairdos, getting nails done, and picking out boutonnieres for the guys.

The big day arrived, and it was a good one; beautiful fall evening with perfect weather. Not too sticky, not too brisk.

After the curls were piled high on my head and hair sprayed completely stiff in the classic 90's do, I put the finishing touches on my makeup and headed with my date to Jenny's house for our 5pm group picture time.

It wasn't odd that 5:15 rolled around with Chad still missing.

5:30 came, and we reasoned, "He'll arrive sooner or later. He knows how important this dance is; he must have fallen asleep or something."

By 6 pm, and multiple unanswered phone calls, it was starting to look like a no-show. Our dinner reservations were for 6:30, so we couldn't wait that much longer for him to arrive.

As we were snapping memories of the occasion, Jenny huddled in the garage, humiliated.

Nervously, she wrung her hands as minute after minute passed.

As each car drove by, we all whipped our heads to see if it was him.

Chad never showed.

We asked her to still come with us, since she was dressed and all. We promised it would be fun, even if she was alone. Reasoning that there were bound to be others without a date, we wouldn't let her spend the entire night alone in the corner.

With a forced smile, she told us it was okay and to go on without her.

I remember feeling so sorry for Jenny.

But it didn't affect me enough to stop me from having a good time once we parted.

Then again, I wasn't the one standing in the garage, wondering if my homecoming date was going to show up.

Only in recent years have I truly put myself in her shoes.

How did she feel watching us take pictures, smiling and holding hands with our dates?
As she stood on the sidelines in the garage, was it heartbreaking watching us pin on corsages with parents snapping pictures?

Did it hurt her feelings as we drove off without her?

I have been invited to a few baby showers since our diagnosis.

Baby showers, pregnant bellys, newborns in car seats all produce the same result.

Avoidance.

For if I dodge the situation entirely, maybe for today I can forget the things I should be doing right now.

Putting up a crib.
Installing car seats.
Purchasing new outfits for the baby.
Buying a stroller, since the wheel fell off our last one.
Washing baby bottles.
Sorting through tubs of baby clothes to see what I want to keep and what no longer suits.

I am still in the garage, waiting to see if I will get to go to the dance.

Not pretenses about it.

It's tough.

The road is so very long.

And as much as we pray and hope for it, there is no guarantee our homecoming date will show.

If I could ask for one specific prayer request tonight, it is that we will not lose hope or start to doubt the things our God can do while waiting on Him for an answer.

That baby showers and pregnant bellys would not distress me, like they currently do.

Thank you, as always, prayer warriors and friends near and far.

*names changed for privacy:-)