Anyone?

"You need to find a doctor willing to walk along side you, not fight you every step of the way."

Good advice from a trusted source....my mom.

Before being released from the ER, the on-call OB recommended we set an appointment with my regular OB for the next morning.

After the worst night of my life, I was sure it couldn't get any worse.

Josh and I arrived the next morning, distraught and looking for something to cling onto to. Any shred of hope, we would take.

Still in shock, and trying to sort out what happens next, we sat in the patient room crying and clinging our list of questions.

Dr. P walked in, shook Josh's hand, and cut right to the chase.

"You know the condition of your baby, right? The lack of fluid means the baby has no kidneys, and the prognosis is fatal."

We told him we understood, and asked him what that meant as far as carrying the baby.

"Well," he said, "basically you will carry the baby, many in your situation carry to full term."

We had already discussed that he does not give epidurals until 5 cm was reached.

I told him that it takes me almost 20 hours to get to 5 cms, and I was very concerned because both of my boys were sunny side up. Having to push 4 and 3 hours respectively to deliver my boys, that plan terrified me.

Since my placenta is anterior (on the front side of my uterus, instead of the back), I asked him if there was a good chance this baby will also be sunny side up.

He agreed that it most likely would be.

I asked if I could still deliver via C-section, as we had previously planned, so I would not have to endure hours of hard labor for a baby with no chance at survival.

"Nope. I won't do a c-section. Studies have found it is very therapeutic for moms to deliver stillborns. It might seem easier to just cut the baby out, but that is not what the studies show."

"Have you ever, I mean ever, seen this turn out okay?" I begged.

"Nope, never. It just is not going to happen. Sorry, kiddo."

I asked him what would happen after the baby was born.

"Well, if it is born alive, it will essentially struggle to breath and then pass. Sometimes right away, sometimes in a few hours."

So, let me get this straight. 20+ hours of horrible labor without an epidural, 4 hours of pushing, then 2 more hours of watching my baby struggle to breathe and then die?

I left more broken, and more hopeless, than when we found out the prognosis.

Obviously, a lot has changed since we last saw him a month ago.

The baby has kidneys.
The baby has a bladder.
The baby has a small amount of fluid.
Since it is a placenta issue, we are trying to hold off delivery as long as possible. There is not a huge chance I will make it to full term.

Instead of seeing him next week, as scheduled, they had room to see me today.

I wanted to go in with an open mind; give him the chance to walk along side me.

"So, what's new?" he said. "Have you had an ultrasound yet?"

I brought him up to date, and then he again asked me about the baby not having kidneys.

"The baby has kidneys," I said.

"Oh well, that doesn't really matter. The anhydramnios is the biggest concern anyway," said Dr. P.

"Yeah, but, the baby has fluid. We went from no fluid, to 1-2 cm of fluid to 3-4 cms of fluid. All hope is not lost to us. There is a chance this baby could survive."

"Well, there might be more fluid, but normal is between 7-20. You are nowhere near that," he said.

"Dr. Balaskas said that the percentage is not zero, so until it is, we will pray and hope," I said, inwardly pleading with him to join us in our glimmer of hope.

"Understood."

I felt like banging my head against the wall.

As I said before, hope and prayer is all we have. Although he may not see the difference between the baby "never" surviving and "rarely" surviving, I do.

I informed him we were believers, and we trust that God has the final say in this outcome regardless of numbers.

"Yep, Yep. Understood," he said skeptically.

Here's where I am seeking help. After my appointment today, I am switching OB/GYNs. I need someone that is not going to make me feel like a complete idiot for hoping and praying that this baby will live. I want a doctor willing to see it as our baby, instead of a percentage of a chance.

I want a doctor willing to see this as a life worth trying to save.

Also, I want to deliver at Spectrum. No offense to St. Mary's, because I had Brycer there and loved the staff and experience. I personally feel Spectrum is better equipped to handle either outcome.

Anyone have a recommendation?

Thanks in advance:-) As always, we are humbled to have you as part of this story.