Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Anyone?

"You need to find a doctor willing to walk along side you, not fight you every step of the way."

Good advice from a trusted source....my mom.

Before being released from the ER, the on-call OB recommended we set an appointment with my regular OB for the next morning.

After the worst night of my life, I was sure it couldn't get any worse.

Josh and I arrived the next morning, distraught and looking for something to cling onto to. Any shred of hope, we would take.

Still in shock, and trying to sort out what happens next, we sat in the patient room crying and clinging our list of questions.

Dr. P walked in, shook Josh's hand, and cut right to the chase.

"You know the condition of your baby, right? The lack of fluid means the baby has no kidneys, and the prognosis is fatal."

We told him we understood, and asked him what that meant as far as carrying the baby.

"Well," he said, "basically you will carry the baby, many in your situation carry to full term."

We had already discussed that he does not give epidurals until 5 cm was reached.

I told him that it takes me almost 20 hours to get to 5 cms, and I was very concerned because both of my boys were sunny side up. Having to push 4 and 3 hours respectively to deliver my boys, that plan terrified me.

Since my placenta is anterior (on the front side of my uterus, instead of the back), I asked him if there was a good chance this baby will also be sunny side up.

He agreed that it most likely would be.

I asked if I could still deliver via C-section, as we had previously planned, so I would not have to endure hours of hard labor for a baby with no chance at survival.

"Nope. I won't do a c-section. Studies have found it is very therapeutic for moms to deliver stillborns. It might seem easier to just cut the baby out, but that is not what the studies show."

"Have you ever, I mean ever, seen this turn out okay?" I begged.

"Nope, never. It just is not going to happen. Sorry, kiddo."

I asked him what would happen after the baby was born.

"Well, if it is born alive, it will essentially struggle to breath and then pass. Sometimes right away, sometimes in a few hours."

So, let me get this straight. 20+ hours of horrible labor without an epidural, 4 hours of pushing, then 2 more hours of watching my baby struggle to breathe and then die?

I left more broken, and more hopeless, than when we found out the prognosis.

Obviously, a lot has changed since we last saw him a month ago.

The baby has kidneys.
The baby has a bladder.
The baby has a small amount of fluid.
Since it is a placenta issue, we are trying to hold off delivery as long as possible. There is not a huge chance I will make it to full term.

Instead of seeing him next week, as scheduled, they had room to see me today.

I wanted to go in with an open mind; give him the chance to walk along side me.

"So, what's new?" he said. "Have you had an ultrasound yet?"

I brought him up to date, and then he again asked me about the baby not having kidneys.

"The baby has kidneys," I said.

"Oh well, that doesn't really matter. The anhydramnios is the biggest concern anyway," said Dr. P.

"Yeah, but, the baby has fluid. We went from no fluid, to 1-2 cm of fluid to 3-4 cms of fluid. All hope is not lost to us. There is a chance this baby could survive."

"Well, there might be more fluid, but normal is between 7-20. You are nowhere near that," he said.

"Dr. Balaskas said that the percentage is not zero, so until it is, we will pray and hope," I said, inwardly pleading with him to join us in our glimmer of hope.

"Understood."

I felt like banging my head against the wall.

As I said before, hope and prayer is all we have. Although he may not see the difference between the baby "never" surviving and "rarely" surviving, I do.

I informed him we were believers, and we trust that God has the final say in this outcome regardless of numbers.

"Yep, Yep. Understood," he said skeptically.

Here's where I am seeking help. After my appointment today, I am switching OB/GYNs. I need someone that is not going to make me feel like a complete idiot for hoping and praying that this baby will live. I want a doctor willing to see it as our baby, instead of a percentage of a chance.

I want a doctor willing to see this as a life worth trying to save.

Also, I want to deliver at Spectrum. No offense to St. Mary's, because I had Brycer there and loved the staff and experience. I personally feel Spectrum is better equipped to handle either outcome.

Anyone have a recommendation?

Thanks in advance:-) As always, we are humbled to have you as part of this story.

16 comments:

sally said...

Dr Taber. I love him. Most of the doctors in the practice are Christians, and he is very very good.

I'm Angie. said...

bang your head against the wall? i think the doc needs a good knock to the noggin! good for you - i hope you find a nurturing, supportive OB ... STAT!

Sarah said...

Wow. Your OB sounds awful! Wish I had a rec for you. As far as epidurals go...I had a different OB with each delivery. Each was willing to give me an epidural as soon as 3 cm! Your OB must be a man. ;)

Paula Kittle said...

Jamie,
I think you can definitely find an OB that will be fine with you having an epidural sooner than 5cm. Especially given the circumstances!
That said, as someone who also tends to have sunny side up babies, having an epidural while laboring and pushing on your back makes it even harder when it comes to that last stage of labor because it's not easy for the baby to turn. Being able to squat helps immensely with getting an OP baby over your tailbone. However, I do understand that probably sounds overwhelming; the thought of attempting an unmedicated birth.
My thoughts are: Would you be open to going through something like a hypnobabies course to help you labor without drugs? If you end up NOT being able to find a doc willing to have you get an epidural before 5cm, it would perhaps help you through the early part of your labor until you could get it. And if you were able to get through the whole labor then you would be free to try other positions while pushing to shorten that last stage.
I would also want to ask the new OB (or maybe a couple to get a second opinion) what effect they thought a long pushing stage/possible vacuum assisted delivery would have on YOUR baby as you have different circumstances than most.
I think your Mom is incredibly wise. : )
And God bless you for pushing for that long with your first two! My first OP baby was 2 hours of pushing and then vacuum assisted (had let the epidural wear off to be able to feel to push and let's just say OUCH!) And I remember dreading that long pushing stage with my other baby that I knew for sure was also sunny side up (thankfully, he turned as I was pushing - good boy!)
Also will pray that THIS time, you won't have as hard a labor. : )

Anonymous said...

Well, you know how I feel about the guy! enough said before I get myself in trouble on here.

I still beleive in the miracle!!!!!!!

Love you tons, Mom

Sonny said...

I've seen Dr. Ruth Brandt (who delivered Faith vaginally) . . . who is in the same practice as Dr. Taber. Also, those two docs were in a smaller practice with Dr. Anita VandenBerg and Dr. Finney (who delivered Bella C-section), and are now part of the Women's Health pavilion downtown. They are extraordinarily warm, personal . . . and most are Christians.

Lia Leenstra said...

I have Dr Anita VandenBerg - and I have seen some of the other doctors there when she was not available - ALL of them gave me the attention and support I needed. Like Sonny said they are downtown in the Womens Health Pavilion - LOVE IT THERE!! You need the support and to say the least someone to encourage or someone to hold you hand to get you through the thick and thin of all the emotions!! Still praying!!

Amy said...

I would highly recommend GR Women's Health as well! Dr. Brandt is my doctor, but have had many of the other drs over the years and have been very happy with all of them. I think they are on facebook and have a website...check it out!

erika said...

Jamie,
We continue to hope and pray with you! Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and your child. "rarely" is very different than "never"!
Blessings,
Tami

Anonymous said...

Praying for the perfect Doctor for you! Someone to walk along side you and pray for miracles with you!

Unknown said...

wow... what an aweful experience. i had dr melinda johnson and loved her. dr mark weirich ended up delivering sam and he goes to church with my cousin. nice guy! dr blickley delivered austin... not impressed. good luck!!

Unknown said...

oops... i mean dr workema. he's in the group across from spectrum... not in the women's health center. i loved their office!!

Anonymous said...

Jamie,
You don't know me, but I heard your story from Marva L. She cleans for me and I also consider her a friend. I just had my third baby in January. I used a midwife with Associates in OBGYN (next to the Womens Health Center) off of Michigan. Gail Heathcote delivered all 3 of my boys and I couldn't speak more highly of her. She is in the office with MD's as well, so I'm not sure if she sees all situations. She is in network with all the major insurance carriers. It might be worth at least interviewing/consulting with her. She will spend time with you, listen to you, and offer genuine advice if that's what you need. My first labor was 8 hrs. (started at midnight) & she was with me the ENTIRE time! I liked that she not only was there to deliver, but more so for me. She was a huge support. She has delivered thousands of babies (Spectrum/St. Mary's) and if she can't help you, I am certain she will help you find what you need.
I hope this helps! I have been praying for you EVERYDAY and just want you to know how much your situation has touched me.
Gretchen DeYoung

Bethany said...

Oh gosh, girl, I'm wrapping my arms around you! I hope you find a good OB, this type of thing happens often with prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome too, I have lots of friends that have been there. Praying praying, and not giving up hope!!

Lynne said...

I know one of the greatest Christian OB docs around but he delivers at Metro. You should be at spectrum. Im sure he would gladly talk to you and help you find a good christian doctor. Email me if interested. llogan2008@gmail.com.
Lynne Logan

Unknown said...

I like your mom's advice. Lilly had anencephaly and in that case LOTS of dr's force mothers to terminate their pregnancies. We carried Lilly to term and received 6 days 5 hours and 30 minutes with her. I would not trade that for the world. You are right to fight your dr if that's what you feel. I wish you the best and hope you have found a more supportive dr.