Dread.

I hate going to the dentist.

Every six months, I get the cute reminder card with the smiley face on it. Detailed on the back is when I should make an appointment, to ensure I don't fall behind.

Normally, I love mail.

I hate seeing that stinking smiley face.

This loathing did not happen after one particular horrific event.

Scraping, poking, digging, tugging-all terms I do not want in association with my mouth. 90% of the cleaning process is not enjoyable to me. The only part I like is the little spinner thing polishing my teeth.

Begrudgingly, I make the appointment for one month out.

About a week before, I see that red reminder on my calendar.

My gut aches.

Dread fills me as every morning I wake up, one day closer to that awful event.

Three times, on average, I reschedule. There is always a good excuse to break the date.

All week, I have had this same churny stomach when I think of Tessa's hemoglobin test tomorrow night. They draw blood to check it on Monday mornings at 2 am.

I knew it was coming, but it seemed so far away last Tuesday.

As it gets closer and closer, I just want to call and ask for a reschedule.

To avoid a transfusion, we are looking for a number above 8.

Pictures from today:

Tessa with her adorable blanket from Cara's Creations. You cannot see it, but there are beautiful love birds all over the fabric!

Other than her hemoglobin, Tessa has an echo scheduled for Tuesday (thanks, Rachael:-)

Josh fed her for the first time today. My only regret is that I do not have a picture of it.

Her saturation levels are better, but still not where they need to be. She has periods in which she turns positively blue, and it takes a while to get her pink again.

I was able to give her two bottles- at 8 pm and 11 pm. She took around 30 mls both times. She gets a total of 50 mls each feeding, so we are getting there!

Every time I leave, I can't help employ the "Minnesota Goodbye". It takes me forever to part with her. I managed to waste another hour after her feeding tonight by holding her and getting her comfy for the night.

She is 37 weeks today, and hit the 6 lb, 1 oz mark.

I am having a hard time even staying awake long enough to finish this post, so I will try to write more if I think of it, tomorrow:-)

Thanks for your prayers and checking in on Tessa!

Psalm 33:22 your unfailing love rests upon me, Oh Lord, even as I hope in you.