Disney

Growing up, we went on vacation every other summer.

Not just any vacation, mind you.

We went to Disney World with my dad's entire family. Grandpa and Grandma Van took care of the bill. Every detail was planned and listed in his scrawling penmanship on our itineraries-breakfast with the characters, dinner at the saloon, the electric parade- even free time was carved out with loving care. As we arrived to the airport, an envelope was handed with money for a souvenir. Disney credit cards were tucked away in wallets, with freedom to purchase the $7 fries or $10 Mickey Mouse ice cream bars. The final year we went, the summer I turned 18, there were almost 40 of us in our matching "Van's Clans" shirts.

One of my earliest memories was counting down the days until we left. As soon as "save the dates" were handed out, I would memorize how much longer until the plane boarded.

It would start in the hundreds, and then slowly the calendar would flip to July.

All year I looked forward to those 7 glorious days in the most magical place on earth.

The first three days would generally go by in a blur of theme parks, monorails, and swimming pools.

As day 5 rolled around, I already started dreading the departure.

There was always a certain sadness when packing the Mickey Mouse ears into the suitcase for the plane ride home.

The enchanted fun is over and real life stretches ahead.

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The papers started arriving a few weeks ago. Only they weren't vacation itineraries. Class lists, meeting dates, and reminders of obligations started flooding our mail box.

I set them aside with relative ease.

The dread didn't really hit until today, when I sat down with a calendar. Josh goes back to work next week, and our schedule is going to change drastically.

Gone are the days of him being with Tessa in the morning, with me visiting at night. We have a pretty good routine.

I know it will all work out, but I hate the thought of her being alone half the day. Reality is that neither of us will have the free time we do currently.

Kayden will also be in school full time. This was not the summer I wanted to cherish before relinquishing all his days to school.

In many ways, the summer of 2011 wasn't what I thought it would be when the pregnancy stick turned pink last January.

I imagined sitting by the pool in my new, brown floral pregnancy suit.

Eating watermelon and chips at the beach while watching my belly grow.

Long walks to the park, friends swimming in the pool, smores over the fire with Josh and the boys.....all things I listed on the imaginary itinerary for summer.

We saved up and had grand plans to visit California, so the boys could experience Disney for the first time.

I could say this summer sucked, but that doesn't completely cover it either.

Summer of 2011 ushered in the toughest and longest, most stressful days of my life.

But it also ushered in the happiest.

And looking back, I wouldn't change it if it meant not having her.


“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
And he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
Out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
And steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
A hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.”

Psalm 40:1-3

(I stole this from Ann Steenwyk- thanks, Ann!)