Rabbits

When we moved to this house, one of the things we loved most was the backyard. The previous owners did a lot of landscaping, and some of my favorite trees (Cherry Blossom and Lilac) line the fence surrounding the pool.

Bright red geraniums were tucked into the shrubbery, and lush green hostas lined the chimney along the brick path.

Once we moved in, my in-laws knew I loved the flowers and have bought and planted with us every spring.

To my surprise, I love gardening.

It is therapeutic.

Three summers ago, I noticed a nest of little bunnies near the kid's turtle sandbox.

My oohs and aahhs about their cuteness quickly turned into agitation.

They were eating my hosta plants.

It started as a nibble here and there. I tried having Kayden pee on them, poured pepper while watering, bought all sorts of treatments from the store...all to no avail.

They moved on to the flowers soon after. Each morning, I would see new bite marks and holes in the leaves.

I kind of feel like my worry has been like this.

It starts out as a pretty small hole; then soon enough, it's all you can see when you look at the leaves.

I have always worried, and it is a weakness I never seem to master.

A few years ago, I had a routine test done and the results came back abnormal. Before further testing ruled out the illness, I about had myself dead in the ground.

If I could ask for one thing tonight, it would be prayers for peace.

Every time they pull back the contents of her stomach or change her diaper or take her temperature, I tense a little. She is just so very tiny and I already love her to my core.

The NICU is a strange place, where it is completely normal to watch my daughter stop breathing.

The phrase "When I am afraid, I will trust in You" pops in my head all day long to try and combat the worry.

I feel like it is on constant repeat.

I can't really say that I have this preemie baby thing all figured out yet. I am hoping at some point, it will be easier to relax.

In Tessa news, she had a bloody aspirate this morning. When they pulled back the contents of her stomach, it showed a little bit of blood. They are thinking at this point that it might be from the feeding tube irritating her stomach.

Of course, my irrational mind jumps to all sorts of horrible things.

Like I said, peace would be a good thing right now.

Here is a picture I took yesterday. Kayden had a fever 48 hours before, so I wanted him to wear a mask, just to be on the safe side. Brycer needed one to be like his big brother.

It was pretty comical.

As we press into the one week mark of her journey, I thank you for walking along side us.

For praying continually.

For loving all of us.

Head ultrasound tomorrow morning. I will let you know how it goes.