Holding Tessa

The boys were just leaving, after visiting their new sister.

As I was taking the boys back to the waiting room where Grandma and Grandpa were sitting, the nurse asked me if I wanted to hold her.

I was taken by surprise, because normally they cannot be held until the IV in her belly button is removed. If that line gets bumped out of place, the feedings would go to the wrong spot and cause a lot of problems.

Of course I said yes, and excitedly took the boys back to leave with my parents while the nurse got her ready.

I sat down in the reclining chair as she was taken out of her isolette.

They placed a pillow on my lap and gently slipped her onto the pillow. It barely felt like I was holding anything at all.

She took a deep sigh of relief.

I swear the smell of her breath must be what heaven smells like. I wanted to glue it to the inside of my nose, and never forget that sweet breath on my face.

I kept leaning down to feel her breath, telling her "Mommy is so proud of you and loves you so much."

Thinking back over the last 12 weeks, I did not know if I would ever get to hold her alive and talk to her like this. Over and over I told her about all the people praying for her and who love her already.

I could not stop crying tears of joy.

After about 40 minutes, I had to give her back so she would not lose body temperature.

The entire wheelchair ride back to my room, that song kept flashing into my head:

Do you dare to believe that the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming?

My "Deliriously Happy".

Please keep praying for Tessa. She has such a long way to go. Her feedings have given her a lot of trouble, and any small infection would be hard for her to fight. Please pray for an uneventful NICU stay, with as few complications as possible.

We leave Hotel Spectrum tomorrow, after 5 weeks being here. I know it is going to be tough.

Thank you, as always, for praying us through. We are so grateful you have been part of the story.