The Birth

It all started Monday night at my 10-11 pm monitoring session.

Tessa's heart rate was dipping a few times. My nurse said she wanted to err on the side of caution, so she called the resident to take a peek.

Neither her nor the doctor liked what they saw.

The resident on call came in and said, "It looks decent enough to keep you here, but since we know she is delicate, I want to send you down just in case."

My sixth trip to labor and delivery ensued. Naively, I thought we would be down there for a short stint and back by morning.

Throughout the night, I was having quite a few contractions which would lead to more heart rate decels.

Around 2 am, I woke up and looked over and her heartbeat was in the 90-100's. Normally, her baseline was at least 130 or so.

As I listened to the thump- thump of her heart beating, she started kicking wildly.

Off in the next room, I could hear a newborn crying for almost an hour. I pulled the blanket over my head to tune it out.

Laying on my bed, praying, with tears running down my face, I plead, "Lord, please just let me hear her cry when she eventually comes out."

In the morning, they said that the Dr. Jelsema would come and review her strip with me. He is the maternal fetal specialist for Dr. Dood's office. Explaining that the heart rate drops were symptomatic of my placenta deteriorating. Along with the increased bleeding and pain I had experienced over the weekend, all of it was pointing to a placenta on the verge of not functioning.

We basically had two options:

1. Try to see how much more time we could squeeze out.

Risks: her heart might stop between monitoring without us realizing it OR if we waited until she was distressed to the point of emergency, then she would have two strikes against her. Along with the question of lung function, we would be dealing with a struggling baby on top of it.

2. Deliver her while she was still looking strong, knowing that the placenta was giving hints it was time.

I have prayed long and hard (over the course of this pregnancy) that when it was time for her to come, God would show us. My preference and prayer was that it would not be an emergency. I wanted Dr. Dood to be the one to deliver her.

Josh and I both saw this as a sign. My mom was staying with me during the night, and I appreciated her wisdom and guidance so much as we talked out a decision.

Now that it was the day to find out whether she had lungs, I was scared. For the past 12 weeks, I have lived in the not knowing. It got comfortable, in a strange way.

My mom said, " Jame, you will not know two weeks from now any more than you know today." She led me in prayer and it was the sweetest, most honest, heartfelt prayer a mother/grandmother can pray.

God moment #1- While Dr. Jelsema was talking with us, a nurse popped in and told us our pastor was at the door. Once the doctor left, I called Scott and told him that Tessa was on her way. It did not occur to me that Merle was the one at the door in the first place! So, in walked both pastors, who shared a few verses with me and prayed over me for the day ahead. Both Pastors happened to already be downtown, just when I needed them.

Dr. Dood arrived soon after, and the next hour was spent asking questions, taking magnesium sulfate, wasting time, all of us with the elephant hanging in the air....does she have lungs?

The other God moment- the resident I have seen most often also happens to date my cousin. She gave me so much support. I cried the entire way into the OR, bawled the whole time the spinal was being administered (tears were actually dripping down her arms), and pretty much every minute after that. I was so overwhelmed that the last 12 weeks was all coming down to the next twenty minutes.

She held my hand and kept telling me I was in the right place, that they would do everything they could for Tessa.

After I was prepped for a c-section, Josh entered the room to watch her birth. From behind my curtain, I heard the teeniest little cry when she came out. As they were working on her, I kept looking over and wondering what was going on. I could see them nodding their heads and heard the monitors beeping, but couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

Finally, the neonatologist walked her over and tilted her so I could get a glimpse. She informed me she needed a little extra oxygen, but did not need to be intubated.

Tessa was wheeled out, with Josh following.

"Does she show signs of lung hypoplasia?" I heard Dr. Dood ask Dr. Beaumont (head neonatologist),

"No", he said.

A flood of emotions all came at once- praise, thanksgiving, awe, amazement, excitement.

The rest of the operation, Dr. Dood would periodically pop over the curtain to encourage me about Tessa. I was taken care of well, to say the least.

My parents came back just as I was wheeled in recovery and informed me she was on room air. The tears of joy in their eyes mirrored exactly how I felt. Her 'breathing room air' was beyond my wildest dreams.

My brother and sister in law were watching Kayden, who has prayed diligently for Tessa since day one.

As he was told the good news, he said "Praise Ye the Lord!"

He has been enamored by her and cannot visit often enough.

It has been a whirlwind of sitting with her, coming up for my own pain meds, eating, showing her off to family. I honestly can barely catch my breath, but am so overjoyed that she is alive!

Josh and I cannot express how grateful we are for the love and support. People we know well, many we have never met... all boldly approaching the throne for a little girl none of us even knew.

Humbled doesn't begin to cover it.

She is still on room air, which is a huge answer to prayer. They started feeding her this afternoon, and I got to change a few diapers and take her temperature. Most of her day was spent under billiruben lights, as she is really red currently.

At her 8 pm and 11pm feedings, she was having difficulty digesting food. I am told this is not uncommon, as a 28 week baby is not yet designed to receive breastmilk.

She is down 4 ounces, most of it water weight.

Thank you for praying for this miracle. We love her so much and see God working in all of this in so many ways.

Please continue to pray for solid lungs, easy transition to breastmilk, no major NICU issues, and no bleeding on the brain. I have heard this leg of the journey is two steps forward, one step back.

Please also pray for me as I attempt to adjust to all this. I am DYING to get home to be with my boys, but know it is going to be hard to leave here without her. Being that I am just around the corner, I pop down four times a day currently. Logistically, that won't be possible once I leave.

Thank you again, prayer warriors. How great is our God? AUGH! So exciting. I am also putting up a special picture on facebook of the first time I held her. There is more to the story, and I will try to share it tomorrow if anyone is interested:-)

Thank you again for all your prayers, words on facebook, presents and cards sent up to the hospital, etc. We feel so blessed and loved!