11.

It's not that I wasn't thankful for Josh before.

Because I was.

I think I am just extra thankful for him this year.

Let's face it- Josh would be fine with the two boys we have. He doesn't have this deep longing for another baby. So for him to spend $23,000 on the chance....it shows just how much he loves me. He would do anything to make me happy.

As we are on the day of our 11th anniversary, I think back to the night of our wedding so long ago. Little did I know what was ahead- so many wonderful memories together and then this past year a blur of disappointment.

The one thing I can say about it is that it has allowed me to lean into Josh in a different way.

I am pretty tough. Very independent. Tonight, Josh was teasing me about the Floyd Mayweather story which is a huge example of that. If it is possible for me to do it on my own- I will.

Being weak in these moments and learning to allow him to be strong for me has taught me a lot this past year. I think it has deepened our relationship and it is one thing I am really thankful for.