Random Ramblings

It is getting hard not to be consumed with all of this. The fear of it not working is tangible these days.

Although we prepared for two cycles with a partial money back guarantee, it is still my biggest desire to achieve pregnancy. At the end of this, there is always a baby. It is never about the money back.

I am trying hard to have a heart of faith and hope, without fear. But it is hard. And I am a work in progress.

In regards to money, God has shown his provision again and again. I am thrilled that God has helped us raise this much money. I look back and still have no idea how that happened. All I can say is that it is a God thing, for sure.

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One of the most confusing things for me this week is drug pricing. If I use my insurance (which covers about half of the cost of my meds), the price for each drug is higher. So, for example, the drug Menopur is around $70 a vial. I need 28 vials. When I called to order it, the price per vial changed to $93. Apparently, each drug has a contract price that is different with each pharmacy. So every pharmacy I ask will have a different price per vial.

Here is the really hard and confusing part when trying to plan how much to save for meds. The pharmacies will not give you the contracted price unless you physically come in and run a trial insurance approval. It is making it quite difficult to do comparison shopping, that is for sure.

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I work with babygear. I love my job. I love seeing my customer's new babies. In times like these, I have a hard time with my job.

I am constantly reminded of the newness of life, how cute and cuddly babies are, and whether or not we will ever have another one.

Don't get me wrong. I am so grateful I already have two kids. They are the joy of my life, and if we never have another, they are more than enough.

We just have to go through IVF to know. And if God answers with a no- we are not meant to have another baby- at the end of it all I have to be okay with the two I have. I love them to the moon and back and am so appreciative I have two healthy little boys that are the center of my world. And they are enough. More than enough.

Ok, I am now rambling. Good think no one actually reads this! Ha!