Worry-wart

This morning, the message at church was about sanctification. Specifically, what holds us back from living like Christ.

After I thought about it a little bit, I think the biggest thing for me is control. Or rather, lack of it. The whole issue surrounding OCD/scrupulosity is that I have no control over my salvation (and thank God for that!). It takes me completely trusting Jesus to do exactly what He said He would- give me eternal life, that I shall never perish and nothing can snatch me from His hand.

For someone who craves control, infertility is not the best dilemma to have. Nothing about IVF is predictable- from how many eggs will be retrieved, to how many will actually fertilize, how many will unthaw, if we actually get pregnant, etc.

I doubt any fertile person has ever googled the heck out of luteal-placenta shift, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, or what week to stop progesterone/estrogen.

I digress.

Please, dear readers, keep me accountable. Remind me that I have absolutely NO control over what happens with this baby, and worrying non-stop is not productive.

Josh sent me a verse the other morning, which is what I am telling myself over and over "For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Amen and Amen.

Doctors visit tomorrow. Wish me luck!