Getting easier

Taking it easy, that is.

The first few days were very rough mentally, and honestly, most of that came from the thought of doing this all summer. Taking it one day at a time is so much easier.

I notice cramping and pain right where my placenta is when I stand for longer than I should. That is helping me stay off my feet.

Friends dropping off meals, my mom visiting and helping out, and Joshy-B have all made the transition smoother than expected.

I see the doctor on Friday and I am just praying it will bring about some change!

Humbled

I wouldn't say that I have been the type of person to "put it all out there" emotionally. In the past, I probably would have dealt with infertility, pregnancy problems, OCD, etc. on my own.

Yesterday, I received tons of stories from people who have been through what I am going through with the placenta previa. It is humbling to know so many people care and are ready and willing to help.

Tonight, I went to a meeting at church, and there was a special chair reserved with a comfy base and footstool (thank you, Sue!). Stuff like that just gets to me. So thankful I am part of a church that cares so much about it's fellow members.

In other good/God news- IVF is completely paid for! I am so excited, and in awe of how God put this all in place this past year.

The dreaded B word

I was really looking forward to my last visit to the fertility specialist today. I sang to the tunes of Michelle's personalized CD the entire way there. My heart was just so happy to be finished with shots and finally on my last trip to Ypsilanti.

We took a quick peek at the baby. Measuring right on track for 12 weeks, the heart looked strong.

Then he took a look at the placenta. I already knew that I had an anterior placenta, which means it attached to the front of my uterus instead of the back. However, it has moved to completely cover my cervix (placenta previa). There are varying degrees to this, and hopefully mine will move in the next few weeks as my womb expands. It was recommended that I go on modified bedrest- taking it really easy, not standing for longer than 10 minutes, avoid traveling long distances, no heavy lifting. Tell that to a 2 year old. The most common problem with placenta previa is bleeding.

My disappointment comes because I was really looking forward to the "honeymoon phase". The first trimester behind me, this usually is the easiest part of pregnancy. Thinking of weeks of "bedrest" ahead of me is not what I envisioned for the mid-part of this pregnancy.

I would classify this pregnancy as more stressful than my other pregnancies in terms of worry. One of my devotionals talks about how we cannot force blessings from God's hands- we just have to cling to Him and utter "Not my will, but thine be done". I am trying really hard to have this mentality.

I know it will get better, but tonight I am just really bummed.

Daily Intake

Tonight is the first night in 3 months that I am not getting a shot ready for the morning, or setting out the pills and patch so I do not forget one.

Goodbye Progesterone in Oil, Vivelle dot Patch, and Estradiol tablets.

Can't say I will miss you! :-)

Second Trimester...

here we come!

I am gaining weight already. I remember going into my 20 week ultrasound with Bryce in my normal pants, barely the teeniest baby bump.

Not happening this time around.

3rd baby = fat pants at 10 weeks.

But, oh, they are SOOOO comfy! :-)

Update

I have never had the flu while pregnant. Then again, I never had pregnancy induced OCD, either.

I am partly convinced this little one is a girl because of all the problems I have had while pregnant. Not that girls are problems, but my pregnancies with the boys were so carefree and painless.

Or perhaps it is just wishful thinking, and the difficulties are more because of IVF and the process involved in getting pregnant this time around.

Lord willing, I should find out in about 6-8 weeks!

The morning after I threw up for 12 hours straight, i have to admit I was storming the gates of heaven that I would still hear a strong heartbeat on the doppler. Ticking away at 175, that beautiful sound was thumping in my ears before I knew it.

Next ultrasound: March 22. If all goes well, I will then be "graduated" to my OB!

Ultrasound Today

So...the dialogue of this does not make me look like the smartest cookie in the bin. But, the little legs kicking were so cute I had to post it.

And no, they cannot tell if it is a girl from this ultrasound. It was a joke:-)

Although I hate the progesterone shots and estrogen pills, they have become my constant friend over these past 10+ weeks. Sort of my way to keep this pregnancy going.

I am scheduled to wean off them next week Wed. This is terrifying; like my security blanket is being ripped out from under me! I almost don't want to stop, which is even crazier because I hate them!:-)

Also, as a side note...if you know of anyone locally that is going through IVF and needs meds, please let me know. I have some to donate!

C-section=success!

I had my list of reasons tucked in my purse, ready to fight for a c-section.

I did not even need to.

This new OB was so understanding and kind, and readily offered to do one with this baby. He briefly discussed my two prior traumatic birth experiences, and agreed that this would be the best way this time around.

What a relief! I prayed and prayed for this whole weekend, and know that God really met my prayers and then some!

Thank you for your prayers on my behalf!

Worry-wart

This morning, the message at church was about sanctification. Specifically, what holds us back from living like Christ.

After I thought about it a little bit, I think the biggest thing for me is control. Or rather, lack of it. The whole issue surrounding OCD/scrupulosity is that I have no control over my salvation (and thank God for that!). It takes me completely trusting Jesus to do exactly what He said He would- give me eternal life, that I shall never perish and nothing can snatch me from His hand.

For someone who craves control, infertility is not the best dilemma to have. Nothing about IVF is predictable- from how many eggs will be retrieved, to how many will actually fertilize, how many will unthaw, if we actually get pregnant, etc.

I doubt any fertile person has ever googled the heck out of luteal-placenta shift, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, or what week to stop progesterone/estrogen.

I digress.

Please, dear readers, keep me accountable. Remind me that I have absolutely NO control over what happens with this baby, and worrying non-stop is not productive.

Josh sent me a verse the other morning, which is what I am telling myself over and over "For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Amen and Amen.

Doctors visit tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Whew!

Officially made it to the "fetus" stage.

Small victories:-)

I bought a doppler from someone off Craigslist. I have to admit it is pretty cool to hear the heartbeat right at home. Heartbeat has been around 185 consistently.

The only {good} problem is that the little buggar never sits still!

PIO

My backside has been patient with me for a LONG time, but all the sudden....it is not so happy with the PIO shots anymore.

I can actually feel the lumps from where the progesterone is injected.

The end is in sight-three more weeks. I am a little petrified of stopping them. I have been on them since the beginning and the thought of getting off them scares me and elates me all at once!

In all honesty, I am just praising God I made it this far! :-)

Rejoicing in my blessings tonight, sore butt and all.