Sometimes I am asked why it is so hard to have friends that are pregnant. It seems like the two should not be connected.
I am thrilled for the pregnant person. It is just a constant reminder of what I am missing.
The excitement in sharing the news and having people share in the joy.
Dreaming of whether it is a boy or a girl.
Hearing that wonderful whish-whish sound of a heartbeat. There is nothing better.
Thinking up names, and picturing whether the baby will have daddy's eyes or mommy's nose.
Feeling those flutters in your belly for the first time.
Getting to eat pretty much whatever you want, and having a great excuse for gaining weight.
Believe it or not, maternity clothes. I usually am sick.to.death of them by the end...but in the beginning, when you first have to switch to maternity shirts because of a protruding belly, it is so wonderful.
The excitement of preparing- the nursery, washing clothes, buying new burp cloths or a new stroller.
Knowing that soon you will have this amazing new being in your life, that you wondered how you ever lived without.
All these magical moments that I long for, can almost taste...and cannot experience. For the most part, I try to put it in the back of my mind and forget about it. But when I hear the good news of someone's impending birth, or see a beautiful pregnant belly, it is hard not to ache with longing.
It is much easier to hide, to be honest. To avoid at all costs, for self-preservation.
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