Short $4000

I need to let it go, but I just can't.

We went into this not wanting to pick up debt, we worked at it for over two years to save cash, and here we are--picking up debt.

It is so dissapointing and frustrating.

I know we will eventually be able to pay it off....it just never comes off as easy as it goes on the old CC.

And that is just if it works the first time. If not, we will have to pay for meds again- around $3000 for another cycle if we have to repeat in Janurary.

I know I need to take this one step at a time, but the money part is so hard for me.

Sign Your Life Away Here, Please

Finishing the mass amounts of paperwork this weekend. It is due by Tuesday.

Seriously....SO MUCH PAPERWORK.

I am not sure which had more- this or closing the loan to my home!

Dropping some cash

Picked up the two most expensive meds yesterday- Bravelle and Menopur. Each one cost me around $1123. My insurance covered half.

I added it up, and it will cost me around $500 a day in meds for ten days. That is just crazy to me.

The pharmacist actually though the computer added it wrong. He said, "Is that supposed to be $24.11?"

Nope, sir. I wish.

Oh, one thing I forgot

I also ordered meds tonight. Bravelle, Menopur, and hcg.

Crazy, crazy, crazy. This stuff is SO expensive.

The flutter of activity has made my Discover card sizzle the last few days.

Lupron Injection today

We have officially begun. Lupron in the butt today. It honestly did not even hurt. I have no idea what is going to happen when I have to start injecting myself, but for now....we are on the path.

Lupron, I was told, is a "temporary menopause". Meaning my body will not ovulate on it's own without hcG. The next two weeks seem so busy and overwhelming. I think I just need to focus on one day at a time.

We also went over what all is entailed with IVF. My main goal right now is to make it to transfer. Give this process a fighting chance.

Parasite Update: I also took a test today to make sure that is completely gone, so I should know Monday or Tuesday what the results are of that.

Up in the Air

Been planning this since February. I am a mix of emotions these days.

I cannot succeed without trying, but I am so scared to try. I wish so badly I knew the outcome of this before I attempted it.

Add on top of that the plaguing issue of whether or not I kicked this parasite out of my system, and it adds even more uncertainty.

Thing is, if I get pregnant- will I have to treat giardia? What if the meds used for it are harmful for the baby? What if I do not get pregnant because of it?

I am supposed to go Thursday for my first Lupron shot, and I have been waiting the last week to see if giardia has returned or not. I am so unsure. I might get tested tomorrow, just to see if it has in fact cleared my system.

Waiting another month is an option...I just kind of want to get it over with, though. This in limbo stuff is really difficult.

Bill Front

Oh, and Thursday is the day.

First shot, complete $19,545 payment.

I feel unprepared, to say the least. Most of all for the emotional journey I am about to embark on.

I am worried about the parasite, and if it is fullly gone from our family.

I am praying tonight that it is, because I will not want to start if there is a chance I still have it.

I think I should know in a few days if I was reinfected by Bryce. Praying, praying, praying that I do not have it anymore!